There are some odd times I google your name, usually during early early mornings, and I make a silent secret request that a single correct hit would come up and hyperlink me a little electronic story about you, one that I haven't heard before and one that would make missing you a bit more reasonable; something that I can explain by myself; why I pushed the back button again in my mind, instead of just a repetitive F5. Just a little something to make me get over this pining away, until the next time your memories come phishing my current memory banks; that I flicker to safe mode in order not to crash again. Then I make the request again and get the usual 404 code and I try all the search engines for just a ghost of a whisper of your name, any electronic trace of you with a recent timestamp, anything, anything but the residual images and data crashes of years ago.
The 404 codes defragments me just by reading it, because the lines make you hope when you'd rather not, when you'd rather want a dead link and not continue believing the line that it is just "temporary unavailable". Then a 410 loads up sometimes and I depress the power button for the longest time until everything blanks out and the LEDs turn from green to orange then fade out entirely, and I start to envy the instant purging of its memory banks. To turn myself off without saving, just blank out, out of the grid.
But eventually I turn it on and myself; and I am again looking at my static user interface, knowing that if I go deeper in the interface, all user rights and all the defaults are in your name, even if I am the administrator. And I go to google your name again, ready for the results and the letdown.
Then suddenly a 302; you, streaming and live.
garo ka tlga kasta. idol tka na tlga. :) 